No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
