I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
