Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
