U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
