wat bout pragnant strippers??
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
