i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
