Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
