so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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