Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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