Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
