What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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