The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize