Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
