I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
