I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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