I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
