She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
