they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
