At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
