im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
