He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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