TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
