Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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