why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
