we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
