if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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