Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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