I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
