he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
