so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize