did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
