I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just want nice things and good sex
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
