Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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