my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
