My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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