Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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