There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Vodka?
Forever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
