She announced her abortion via fbk
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
