Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
