dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize