fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
