"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I got inside last night via doggy door
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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