Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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