woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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