I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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