I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
one might say we're banned from that church
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
