you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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