I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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