I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
