if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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