this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
