how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
