your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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