I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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