why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
