are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
