Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
