I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
