Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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