This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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