seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
