is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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