he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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