Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
