It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
