There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
