Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize