I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
