Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
