How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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