guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
