I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
