At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
