you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
