***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
