I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
