yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
