some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
