Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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