What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
