Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
