I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
