Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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