Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I AM VODKA MAN
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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