This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
