2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
