Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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