i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
