I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
