we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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