I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
3pm strippers are depressing
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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