Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
