K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
