my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
