I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize