I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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