You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
