Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
