My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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