Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
