I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I will pee on everything he values.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
