Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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