I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
