i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
