He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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