Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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