Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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