her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
